Ralphy "The Big Deal" P in Jersey!

Yo! Yo! It's Ralphy P here from Jersey! I get an local alias
everywhere I venture to, so here at the Jersey shore, my guido side
pops out. Mike the "situation" goes into hiding when Ralphy "The Big
Deal" P comes strollin in town. When we first rolled in, we were
starvin. It takes a lot of good eatin to look the way I do these
days. So me & my Jersey Crew (Mare, Will, Sariah) went down to Jersey
Mikes to grab some sandwiches. The parentals had a Giant Italian,
although they already had me a year ago (OK, lame joke). I nibbled at
it a bit with some of those addictive Mesquite BBQ Kettle Chips.
Great way to start off the day. Now the Big Deal is fed and the abs
are primed to show off at the shore. The drive here sucked. I'm not
a fan of traffic, you try being cooped up in this little seat with 2
seat belts on ya. At least you all can recline your chairs. I'm
stuck and strapped in the back here. You get sleep, you recline and
take a snooze nicely. Me? My head just droops down and I wake up
with a puddle of slobber on my right knee. In Jersey it is all toll
roads. Yea, you gotta pay for the opportunity to sit in this mess.
There ain't no freeways here, all pay ways. They got expressways,
thruways, parkways, etc, but all will cost ya a pretty penny. Next
time I'm down, I'm gonna indulge my Chinese side and chip an EZ pass
to get free tolls. Now try to exit these things, most exits are just
another parkway or whatever way, and if you do ever find a real exit,
why can't you ever make a left? What's up with these Jughandles?
Gotta make a right to make a left? Serious? At least they have free
Full Service gas stations. Anyway, The beach itself is completely
packed. Ever crazier? You gotta pay to sit on the sand and you not
gonna find any room to do so. Everyone and their mother comes here.
Yea, I know, I brought the mother as well, even the pops. I added to
the mess, sorry. So anyway, I avoided all that and just hit up the
boardwalk. The boardwalk was my type of thang, has the Big Deal
written all over it. I got my stroll on and walked near some ladies,
who seems to never be able to keep their orange hands off of me. The
boardwalk had lots of shops, places to grub, fair games, and arcades.
I got me some Mango Italian Ice, since it was hot out, then we hit up
an arcade to test my luck with the crane game. You know your boy
Ralphy P has got some skillz as I won me a dope Linny Wonder Pet. I
had to push my luck and partook in the baseball pitching game and was
the fastest thrower in my age group, so I won my an big inflatable
Yankee bat. Sah-Wheat! The Snooki's were all over jockin your boy
here, so I had to make my departure up the Turnpike and get some last
minute shoppin on, since there was no sales tax. Gotta keep the Big
Deal looking fly ouy know. Ralphy P, out!