Winter Break!

Woohoo! My 1st Christmas! So much happening these days. The break started pretty cool. On my last day of day care, me and my girlfriend swapped books. Yea, you heard that right, girlfriend. This girl in my daycare, let’s call her ‘A’. Me and her hold hands while we eat rice cereal at the bean table. I regifted her this rabbit book that I couldn’t get into, and she gave me this very nice pillowy texture book. Sweet! Anyhow, that’s the last day of day care, and the beginning of 2 weeks of winter break. I kinda miss daycare though. Those people feed and change me better than these parentals of mine. Day care gives me rice cereal for breakfast and whatever mom and dad pack for lunch, along with a few bottles. At home, I mostly get the bottle because they are too lazy to put a spoon in my mouth over and over while they are watching TV. True, I like to eat a few bites then my ADD flares up and I’m looking at what is behind me in the chair or stuffing my bib in my mouth, but these parents of mine work in schools and should know by now how to work a kid, right?
The next saga was taking a picture of me with Santa. Yes, it was a saga. I think next time we need to hit up a mall in Texas where the chunkies are, because these Santa’s aren’t fooling no toddler. We hit up the West Co Mall and found the long line for Santa. We waited a bit, then took a look at the big guy to see what was in store. This was no big guy. This ‘Santa’ wasn’t a big guy at all. Looked like an anorexic guy with a beard. I could even see the edges of the pillow in his robe. He had cheeks sunken in. Parents aren’t spending 20 bucks for a couple pictures with me and the Gastric Bypass Santa.
A couple days later we sought out the Santa Anita Mall for their Santa. Arcadia, so a bit wealthier area, so a good Santa should be there, right? Nope. Another old guy who called 1-800-GET-SLIM, only he had a dirty beard. I don’t want a picture with the homeless Santa, argh.
Finally, we went to the Puente Hills Mall. Figured more plumper people over there, so maybe a fat Santa, yea? Nope. Another LapBand member, although beard wasn’t as dirty. Feeling like it was a lost cause, I sat on dude’s lap for a picture. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t even smile, hard to believe right? I just sat there with a WTH look on my face. I wasn’t feelin it, so didn’t buy the pictures, whatever. Try again next year.
Christmas Eve was the day we celebrated. Family was coming over to party with me at night, so I got to open my presents when I woke up in the morning. Got lots of cool stuff from parents, friends, family, and the real Santa. Got new kicks, some cool gear, blocks, fake animals, learning toys and games, and a stocking full of other stuff. I made out good. The best stuff in my opinion was the wrapping paper. I tried to unwrap the gifts myself and once I tore a chunk of paper off, I was good. I love wrapping paper. I crumble it, then stuff it straight in my mouth. It’s like a game since parents only let me put food in my mouth. I keep grabbing paper and stuff it in my mouth over and over seeing if I can keep them on their toes.
The Christmas Party was fun. My mom’s side of the family is huge. House was loud and energetic. They gambled with dice, played White Elephant, did some Candy Cane holding game, pigged out, played Wii, then passed me around. I think I was passed 50-60 times last night. I feel like a piece of meat sometimes. People say I’m cute over and over, but seems like no one appreciates me for my mind. I may be 6 months, but mentally I’m about 9 months. Don’t know why that gets overlooked.
Now it’s Christmas Day and I’m playing with my new toys and puking on my new clothes. Life is good. Can’t wait for New Years to see what 2010 has in story for me. I’ll see you all next year!

Disneyland

Yay!! My parents took me to Disneyland for the first time! I been to Downtown Disney before, but parents were to cheap to shell out some cash to get me inside the gates. Luckily, my auntie Winnie works for Disney and got us in fo' free. We all went as well as my homie Brandon ('B') and his parents. So, me and B were all excited coming here, so many rides and things to see. Later did I find out that the parents had more plans of their own than for us. We got there at 5 pm, and first thing they did is go to the Corn Dog stand to stuff their faces. Eventually they finished and we were off to a ride, Space Mountain. Sounds cool, right? Nope. I didn't get to ride, just them parentals. B's parents rode, then mine rode with a special pass. They used me and B to work the system so they didn't have to wait in line. So many rides we pulled up to just to wait outside in the cold while they had fun. Star Tours, Indiana Jones, even the Buzz Lightyear ride. They rode, I sat. It's cool though, they all came around later. My first ride was Pirates of the Caribbean. Pretty fun, especially that first drop. I haven't dropped like that since the last time my mom went to the hospital 1/2 a year ago. The next ride was the absolute best thing I have even seen. I didn't get on it until 11:15 p.m. I was dead asleep in the line. Yea, we actually had to wait in that one. Got on the Small World ride boat, still dozing off when parents tried to wake me up, but wasn't able to keep my eyes open for more than 4 seconds. Then it hit. We went in the tunnel and it was on. My eyes popped out of my head! There were hundreds of little kids that looked just like me singing songs for 13 minutes! They didn't look like real babies, but were my height. They were cool, because they can stand already without anyone holding them up, and they can sing! I couldn't keep my eyes off of them, they were everywhere! They turned side to side and all looked at me as they sung. I must have been dreaming, but it was the most surreal thing I every experienced outside of getting yanked out of my mom's tummy. Eventually and unfortunately it ended, but not in my head, I still have that song going on and on. I can't wait to go back and see my peoples again. They had rooms of asians, latinos, and whities. Like each part of my DNA, so cool. Gotta go back. Anyway, we left there and it was almost midnight. We tried for one last ride, the Haunted Mansion with Jack Snellington. It was broken earlier, but just open when we strolled by. We went in and it was ok. I don't know what scared is yet, so I wasn't scared, but the whole ride was a little dark for my style and cognitive age. Kinda funny in the end there were ghostly gingerbread men dancing on my head. Weird. I musta drunk some expired formula or something to have these hallucinations. Finally, 12:30 p.m. Park is supposed to be closed, and now we start our shopping. Lots of kids clothes, but they are kinda lacking on the baby gear. The mouse ears are a little tacky, but cool. I found a cool beanie version of it that is pretty pimp. Take a look on my facebook album of it. I'm gonna be getting all the girls at daycare now.

Trick or Treat, smell my stink.

My First Halloween! Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sick. I been sick since Thursday night. Think I gave it to my dad as well, but he's better now. So I'm sick, and parents still wanna dress me up like a Monkey and parade me around the block. Whatever, I'm a laid back dude, I go with it. We got to about 10 houses and everyone says how cute I am and puts a bunch of candy in my basket, which I can't even hold yet. I get big handfuls from each house because they recognize how dang good I look, even if I just sneezed out a booger bigger than my parents can make. Booger was so big, it looked like me at 2 months in the womb. Again, on to the next house. I get some Skittles, Snickers, Twix, and a ruler. Because I'm gonna need it to find the x,y coordinates of the jumper at my day care on Monday, right? And candy? I don't even have teeth yet, and just barely getting this solid stuff going down the right way. Came back home after I pooped for a minute straight. Mom was getting tired of carrying me and Dad has been keeping his distance since we got sick as well. I'm sure that poop added an extra pound of weight. It reached my armpits. Yea, impressive, right?
So now we are home passing out candy, keeping the good stuff in the bottom of the basket and giving out the unwanted ones first by the handful. Gave that ruler away to the first door knocker. I know they make single use Enfamil's why don't these peeps stock up on those as well. At least some Pedialyte, which is my new drink since this tummy bug of mine started up. We babies gotta march for this, at least crawl and drool a bit for it. We do the work, and the parents get the rewards. Weak! Bring on Christmas already!

Dim Sum!

Got sick of the bottle, so went out for a lil dim sum with the parents and grandma. Whoa this place is loud. Chopsticks clanking on plates, people talking loudly in Chinese with their mouths full, etc. Anyway, so many new smells too. Tried some BBQ pork, some rice noodles, and other things I have no idea of what it was. I tried it but don't have the solid food thing down yet. I just pretty much lick it and throw up a disgusted face. Not my style yet. I did chug my fair share of tea tho. I let it cool, then tried it. Not too bad. Grandma kept putting the cup in my grill, so I kept on downing it. Mostly downed it on my shirt tho. I don't mind because parents do my laundry every week. I'm ready to go again, sure beats this Rice Cereal they are trying to shove down my throat lately.

4 Months Old and Doctor Visit

First off, let me start by saying I'm 4 months old! It was orange day at school today and this is the only orange thing I had to wear. I wore it to the Doctor's Office as well. I wanted to dress up like a Tiger and scare the nurse because last time she poked me with all these needles. I figured she wouldn't do that to a Tiger. I even gave her the evil eyebrows. Nope, mom and dad stripped me of the Tiger suit as soon as I get in the office. Argh!
So, besides poking me and all, they weighted me again. I was born 6 3/4 pounds. At 2 months I doubled to 13 pounds. Now gained almost 4 pounds since then. I'm trying to workout a bit more. I'm doing bicep curls. I just get distracted when I curl up I see my thumb and can't pass it up. I used to eat my fingers, then knuckles, even my whole hand, but now I go straight for the thumb. Perfect fit for my mouth. Yum! I don't know why the parents keep pulling it out of my mouth, I just stick it right back in. They can be so annoying and persistent! TTYL

I Heart Screens

What have I just discovered? These bright squares of goodness. I love screens! TV screens, computer screens, shoot, even cell phone screens. So bright and shiny, I can see why my parents just sit and get mesmerized for hours. I do too! It all started with when my parents just plop my chubby butt on the couch in the mornings, while they run around doing stuff to get ready for work. They throw on the TV and 'Go Diego Go' comes on. I may have been crying a minute ago, but no longer. I don't know what it is, but these colors and sounds are awesome. I used to just stare at black and white high contrast designs, but forget that. I got a 46" Sony 120MHz 1080 HD flatscreen now baby!

The computer is cool too. As you see above, my dad got me addicted to Mafia Wars and have to play that daily. We usually have that on while in front of the TV. 2 screens? Forget about it, I'm sold. When the lights are off and the screens shine bright, it's like a mini aurora borealis in the living room. I see these and forget why I'm crying and forget that it's time for my bottle. It's so awesome, I don't even mind sitting in my own poop for a while longer just to get all this visual input. I think it's time for the parents to throw up a screen in the car now, like some of the other kids have in their parents car. 'Go Diego Go' to go would be sweet. Oohhh, just got an alert my next energy pack is ready for Mafia Wars. See ya. I'll be stuck on this computer till the TV gets turned back on.

UCLA Football

Went to my 1st UCLA Football game today. Lotsa fun! Got to the Rose Bowl about 3 hours early to tailgate and chugged a 5 ouncer. Parents were out BBQ'ing burgers n corn and drinking some brown stuff that made them burp like I do. I like tailgating. All these people walking by me saying how cute I am and smiling at me. These Bruins have good taste and appreciate good lookin chaps like myself. I was just chilling on a blanket under my canopy listening to music. I think I drank too much as I had to pee pretty bad and passed out for about an hour.
It was time for the game and we headed in. Wow, that's a lot of people. About 70,000 in there! I never been to a place so loud. I felt my eyes pop out every few minutes. I don't mind noise, it's just when it's all of a sudden, and over and over. All these people came up to me and wanted to fist bump me. I guess they knew about me last year when I was chillin in my mom's belly. I thought that fight song was familiar, knew I heard it before. The game was good. UCLA whooped the diapers off KSU. I did my first 8 clap, with a little assistance (I still don't have that good fine motor control). The first drink from tailgating was wearing off, but luckily I snuck another bottle in and chugged it before security showed up. Game ended well with a final touchdown due to my good luck presence. I think I gotta come back here, I'm just gonna need a new Bruin onesie. My big milk belly is busting this one by the seams.

Evicted! Again!

These parents of mine. The keep me moving and change up things all the time. I was sittin cool for 9 months in my mom's belly, then she evicted me. I was all nice and warm, kinda like a nice hot bath, then next thing I know. I'm freezing, there is light all around me, things were loud, and I had to work my mouth to eat. You know what? I heard about this and could get past all that, I forgave and forgot. But now, argh, they did it again! These last 3+ months, yes, my WHOLE life! I was sleeping and chilling near my parents all the time. They got their big bed and I got my sweet crib right next to it. Their room is huge, probably can fit 10 more of my cribs in it, no problem. No! These parents are selfish and want the WHOLE room to themselves! Yea! I know! They booted me all the way across the hall to a small room, maybe 1/2 the size of theirs. What gives? They are almost out of earshot, almost. I can raise the volume when I need to. Yea, they evicted me again. They tell me it's cuz I'm gonna get too used to being in their room and attached and I'll never leave. They think I'm starting to recognize things better, which may be true, but dude, I thought I was the top priority. Anyway, now I'm all the way across the hall. The dog even thinks it's wack, he doesn't wanna come visit and lick my feet no more.
They can still hear me though, they got some magic device that throws my voice to whereever they are. If I bellow, they still hear me. This room is cool though. Has my name above the window, a big UCLA Fathead. A closet full of dope onesies and a bunch of toys. It's cool and all, it won't make MTV cribs, but good enough. I guess I can get used to it, but I don't need these toys, I got my fingers to suck on and stare at. I hope they won't kick me out even farther, although when I'm crying in the middle of the night, I hear mumbling that it is only 18 more years away. What happens at 18? Don't matter thats like 72X my life away. Guess I'll get used to this, anyone got a flatscreen for me to help pimp my crib with?

LA Fair

Me and Brandon went to the L.A. Fair yesterday. Not really my style and I slept through most of it. We got there and went through all the shops. Really not much I got into. All the stuff there is for dressing me up. I know I'm a baller, but not every T-shirt for boys needs to say All-Star on it, although I am. Also, I'm not Mommy or Daddy's little prince or whatever. Those fools work for me. I should be giving them a shirt that says Son's big servant. I did see some cool little fold up camping chairs. A blue on for me and a green for B, but they wanted to wrap them up in pink carry bags. Really. How you gonna do that to a kid? Real baby boys don't do pink. So left chair there and rolled on.

The parents ate a lot, from Turkey Legs, to sausages, burgers, popcorn, fried oreo's, etc. I went over to the booths with all the fried food cuz it smelled good, but they had no Fried Enfamil for me, weak. I started crying so parents got beer and Margarita's to deal with it. I think they are on to me having them wrapped around my finger, I gotta think of new stuff. Maybe cry till i cough and puke or another poop storm here and there.

Parents tried to win us stuffed animal dogs with this game you throw ping pong balls into little dishes floating on water. Dang they sucked. We didn't get the dogs we wanted, but some small ugly toys we'd never touch. I'd show them how to do it, but it is hard for me to release things. I can grab with the best of them, but as much as I swing my arms, I can't seem to ease up this super grip I have. My Enfamil must have some HGH. Also, I didn't want a stuffed animal dog anyway, I just like to stare at my hands and stick them in my mouth. I'm cool enough to just enjoy my own company. My hands do taste good tho, a little salty, must be all that back sweat I get. Slurp!

1st Day of School/Day Care

So, parents are being selfish and dropping me off with some strangers while they got to work a few days a week. So, Monday thru Wednesday. I hang out with 8 other babies and a few adults. Mom was crying when she left me so I got a lil nervous about this place. Not too bad though. They got some cool rocking chairs, mats with things to look at, and they always feed me when I want. Them other babies are odd tho. There are a few cool ones, but there is this one that's always crying. He needs some prozac in the milk. There are some cute honeys there too though. She a bit taller and older than me, I think she's triple my age. I'm the youngest one there by far, and think I'ma stay here for a while. I get a lil bored so sleep most the day, but it's cool to see other people my same size. Yes, they are all older, be we are about the same size. Thurs & Fri I chill with the Gramps and get the attention all day. I like that better. Oh. Cartoons is on, gotta run!

Los Doyers

Went to my first Dodgers game and didn't get shanked! I heard bad things about the crowd, but I think they all got scared of me sportin this beanie. Parents drove me, but brought along the gramps. I got them Gramps wrapped around my finger. They just hold me and sing random things to me. I might be learning Chinese soon because of them. That and with Ni Hao Kai-Lan. Los Doyers kicked St. Louis's booty all over the place. I like it there. So much to hear and smell. Momma get garlic fries and made me wish I had teeth. We left after I stretched in the 7th cuz they say the drive back gets bad. I don't know why, just go to sleep like me and you are there.

San Diego

Went on my first trip to SD. Lots of things to look at around here. I got pushed all day in Seaport Village, Gaslamp District, Carlsbad Outlets, and at the Welk in Escondido. I hung out with them parents, my homey Brandon, and their parents. Pop bought me a wooden personalized golf club, but I have no grip yet, so it just sits there. Most of the time in the resort, these parents just propped me up on the couch so I could watch Sportscenter and I Love You Man. I'm starting to enjoy this TV more and more. I don't know what's going on, but I can stare at them cool colors. That is if the ceiling fan isn't running, or else I'm staring at that all day.

Big Smiles

I am getting some control over my emotions now. Well, more control. I am pretty good at telling people that I don't have everything I want at the current moment with big cry, but now I think they can tell when I am happy. I like to smile and shake a lot, especially when I see my UCLA mobile playing. My friends Uncle Kenny & Auntie Vanessa came to take pics of me at home and I was happy to see them and smiled all a round. Take a look at my cute self at kennyphanphotography.com

This weekend the parents wanna take me and my lil buddy Brandon to San Diego. Brandon is my BFF and is 5 days older than me. We met in Lamaze class, but we were still in our mom's bellies. We both escaped and been hanging out since. I don't know what both of our parents are thinking when they take us out. They take me here and there, but if they really wanted to take me somewhere cool, I'd say take me to Lowe's or Home Depot, even Lamps Plus. When I am out, I like to stare at the ceilings at the lights and fans. Those places are full of them, I'd smile for hours. Good thing I don't flail my arms when I do it, or daddy might think I'm autistic, but he keeps on checking my eye contact and stuff. Crazy psychologist.

San Diego should be cool though. If nothing else, it isn't as hot as here in LA, and I won't have as much sweat in my neck rolls for a couple days. Plus, I can hang out with Brandon. It's fun when we both cry at the same time, it's like surround sound in a horror movie.

Oh, one thing. I saw an episode of Mythbusters and wanted to try my own thing. I heard that all fat kids like cake. I'm fat, and I like cake. I sucked a bit of frosting off my dad's finger when he was eating some at Brandon's baptism, Yum! Wish I could get some more!

What's up, I'm Ryan

Hey, I'm Ryan. I was born 2 months ago and my life is awesome. So I figured I'd blog about it and give props to the other 2 month olds here. Class of 2027 in the house!

I became a sparkle in the eye of my Dad at a UCLA football game when he saw little kids dressed up in gear. Girls rocking the kiddie cheerleader outfits and the boys with the kiddie jerseys. That's when he wanted to make me. Might have been all the tailgating as well. Mom and dad played with some birds or bees or something that night and I was made.

I started kinda ugly. Looked like a lil circle at first smaller than the tip of a pin too, then started to look like a slug, weeks passed by and i kinda got alien and gremlin looking, then eventually I grew to the good looking dude that I am and felt like I had enough and wanted out. It was a long 10 months in there. Every week that passed it seemed like my square footage would decrease. I'd try to kick the walls down, but nothing really changed. Eventually I felt it was time to ditch the place. Mom started walking alot and I couldn't take it, so one day while she was walking to the donut store, I broke the wall down and the slip n slide was ready. Of course, knowing that mom lady, she kept on walking to the donut store first and got her snack.

Mom thought I was a pain in the abdomen, so she got some pain killer shot in her back. I didn't want that, so I acted up and they obliged and cut me an escape door to free myself through. Sucks for her, but I'm happy.

I kinda miss my old place though. I came out into this world and now everyone was touching me, putting things in my nose and mouth, washing me, poking me, and wrapping me in blankets. Weak! I also have to eat by sucking a bottle, where before I just ate without any work, food went straight into my belly.

I'm used to this place now though. These parents of mine sleep too long though, they like to sleep maybe 6-7 hours in a row if I'd let them, but I don't. I don't want them to get lazy. I'll give them 3 if they're lucky.

My parents might be anorexic I think. They only eat 3, maybe 4 times a day. I don't get it. I need to eat every 2 hours, sometimes less. I don't know how they get by on so little and not cry. I have to shout and cry at them so they don't let me starve. Same with my diaper. They never notice unless I cry and shout at them or try to pee or poo so hard that it's noticable. Yes, I've pooped though many outfits and blankets. It's fun.

The worst was a couple days ago. I went to the doctor. They poked me with a few needles, but I made sure there was no mercury in them. Nonetheless, they hurt. Oh well. They also said I was "healthy" which is doctor code for "fatty". I came out 6 lbs 12 oz, and now I'm over 13 lbs. yea, I doubled. I'm in the 75th percentile for "healthiness". Momma got some "healthy" milk in her.

Today not much is new. I went to a photo shoot today and this lady tried to make me smile. I don't smile for strangers. I pooped for her though, she better be content with that. Today was one of my best poo's. I did it so hard that it was literally in my belly button. I don't know they physics behind it, but I did it and am proud. I made momma wash me cuz of it. Straight from the changing table to the sink. Oh, I like being washed. Sometimes I cry for no reason, just to keep my parents on their toes, but I am a sucker for the shower. I can't cry in there, just feels way too good. Anyway, I think I wanna cry now. I just ate an hour and a half ago and still can wait another 30 minutes, but mom and dad are eating dinner, so about time for me to mess with them.

Talk to ya later. Thanks for stopping by. I'll let you know what goes on here and there. Keep checkin back. Laterz.