Sunday, July 25, 2010

La Familia de White Plains

When I tell people I was planning to hit up Nueva York, they always
ask what part I'm staying at. Not like they have heard of anything
other than the boroughs of the city, and think all other places are
way upstate. I tell them White Plains. This is where my Dad was born
and his side of La Familia resides, Los Colombianos. Most have only
heard of the city name in passing during beer commercials. Next time
you see a Heinekin commercial of the most interesting Dos Equis guy,
you'll hear White Plains, NY at the end. This place has it all
though. 4 malls, yup 4! True, 1 is severly ghetto, but the other 3
are cool. There is a good library here that my family uses as their
blockbuster. You can rent up to 25 dvd's each, and they got newer
releases. 25 each, for free! Lots fo great places to eat, none
better than the new discovery of the Iron Tomato. I've been there 3
times this week. Those meatball calzones are the best in the world.
White Plains has some sentimental value as well. Mi bisabuela lives
here, that is my great grandma. She stays at the same spot she has
been since my dad was born. She's got an apartment in a huge brick
building and in the next apartment is my great aunt n uncle and 4
cousins. Yea, 4 of them crazy Gomez's. First is the only girl,
Gabby, she is aptly named because she never is quiet. We call her Yo
Gabba Gabba. Next is Alex, he always wants to carry me, but then he
puts me down right away. He's in his 2nd year in high school and
already way taller than my dad. Then there is Sebastian, he is the
Dr. Evil to my Mini Me. Then finally Frankie, the hyper boy, who
needs to take the blue pill more often. I love hanging out with them
each in their own crazy way. We went to the Saxon Woods pool the
other day. We took the taxi there. Pretty sweet, since it was both
my first time in a taxi and first time in a car without my car seat.
This pool was a community pool for the whole county. It holds over
1500 people. The line to get in was about 45 minutes, but this pool
was huge. I tried not to swallow water, because I am sure there was
tons of pee in it. What kinda sucked was that I was too short to do
the kiddie part with the slide and my mom was too tall to go in with
me, so I just swam around with the parentals and cousins.
I have some other cousins as well, just across the border in Jersey.
Bianca is the oldest, and going to school at Rutgers, she is the
brains of the family. Next is Jake who I didn't get to meet yet since
he was at camp, and finally Sophia. This girl wouldn't keep her hands
off of me and kept trying to kiss me, ugh! Girls have cooties! I
wish I could take them all back with me in my suitcase, but each extra
piece of luggage is gonna be an extra 50 bucks. Oh well, we always
have facebook to chat. Come visit! Miss ya familia!

Empire State of my Diaper

Flew to the East Coast and your boy Ryan becomes Rocco in the NYC.
The city is cool, but definately not built for toddlers like me. I
thought that they'd prep it up a bit upon hearing about my arrival,
but I guess the memo wasn't sent since there was no record of my
flight. My parents opted not to get me a seat and instead treated me
like carry on luggage and lapped me for free for 3000 miles to save
some green. Cheapskates! But seriously, what's up with the
discrimination against the youth and elderly? You can't do anything
if you are confined to a wheelchair or stroller. I heart NY maybe,
but it sure don't feel like NY hearts Rocco. Wheels in the city?
Fuggetaboutit! First off, have you seen the gap between the trains
and the platform? Yes, Mind the gap, but I can't jump that and my
wheel is smaller than the gap! I gotta get my whole ride carried
over. Next, the aisels are so tight I can't get wheeled through so I
gotta go find the handicap area to chill in. These New Yorkers,
sheesh, they seem to prefer these handicap seats. I roll up on them
and they don't wanna give me eye contact, so I gotta roll up on their
toes to get their attention. So I get my handicap spot and we are
off, we pull up to grand central and everyone is in a mad dash for the
exit, of course people try to cut in front of me and bump me, so I
scrape the back of their heels with the stoller. I can get pretty
passive-aggressive, so watch yourselves that you don't cross me wrong.
Finally get past the crowd as they all take the stairs and I'm left
to find an elevator. The elevators are scares and 1/2 the time they
are broken or under maintenance. These smell severly as well, kinda
like my diapers after a good Chipotle beans n rice lunch. Most subway
stations don't even have an elevator, so I gotta be carried in my
stroller up the many long and narrow flights of stairs. I gave a
piece of my mind back as I skipped most subway fares and went thru the
emergency exits. Even walkin around the city, you need off roading
tires on your rides with all the potholes, curbs that dont reach all
the way down to the street, and big steps to get into stores.
Hopefully next time I can ditch the stroller and depend on my legs and
have a long enough attention span to stay focused on walking straight
and following the parentals. The ADA would have a field day on this
if it were Cali.
I do gotta say though, besides that part, I really do heart NY. The
fun started off in Chinatown & Canal Street. We followed hustlers
down streets and alleys to backrooms to check out the Louis &
Tiffany's and all the best deals. Even found a mini sweatshop looking
place where I got me my next Chinese New Years outfit. My bud got
herself a Chanel wallet and momma got some new earrings for a few
bucks. In C-Town we grubbed a few scallion pancakes and tolled up to
Lil Italy to get in touch with some more of your boy Rocco's roots.
Momma did some damage in SoHo, while Pops laced me up in some jerseys
from the NBA store and Modell's.
The food in NYC is great. Took a break from the organic baby jar food
for a while and grubbed international. Went with the crew to Sofrito
for some Puerto Rican meat n rice, since it was restaurant week, but
nothing tops the charts in the city that the Halal food cart. Not all
food carts are the same. Hit up the one on the southwest corner of
53rd & 6th. Grab some of the Lamb over rice and get all the white
sauce you can. They make it fresh and their Tzakiki is their own
special creation. 6 bucks for a huge plate. The line may be long but
it's worth the wait. You got the Rocco guarantee on that one.
NYC is about culture. Some many museums to choose from, but I'm 1, so
we hit up the CMOM, Childrens Museum of Manhattan. AKA Si Mom, yo
quiero ir. This place is sweet. I got in free, but parents had to
pay. Sucks for them. It's all hands on, unlike all the other
museums. 4 stories fo fun here, and another Rocco rec. Bottom floor
is all science and brain games, but it's the 2nd floor for where the
party is at. Dora and Diego set up shop there. Played and learned
about animals, plus slides, cars, and blocks. Spent a good hour plus
here. Next floor up is a big playroom. Sand trays, paint aream fire
truck, ball games, and more slides. I partook in it all for another
hour. Got a little too excited with the paint and my new kicks are a
little more blue now. 4th floor is for them older folk, you know age
4 and up. Outside is a big water area where I splashed and made my
own wet T-shirt party. Upper Westside, come check it out.
What is NYC without sports? Took the 6 train to my 1st Yankee game.
I was pimpin out my new jersey, but it was so hot out, even though it
was a night game, and I cheered on topless. I partied with my milk
belly hanging out. Saw a Swisherlicious homer, but my attention was
more on the domician chick one row up. She was an older woman, maybe
14 months. We clapped together, pointed at each other, and jumped
around together. Even saw her later downstairs as we were leaving and
got me a hug goodbye.
In all NYC was fun. I'll be back for sure, definately to that food
cart. Hopefully will come in Winter to see the Giants in their new
digs, but for now, I gotta write a letter to the ADA to get some help
for my young and old peeps. NYC, C ya later. Rocco, out!

Ralphy "The Big Deal" P in Jersey!

Yo! Yo! It's Ralphy P here from Jersey! I get an local alias
everywhere I venture to, so here at the Jersey shore, my guido side
pops out. Mike the "situation" goes into hiding when Ralphy "The Big
Deal" P comes strollin in town. When we first rolled in, we were
starvin. It takes a lot of good eatin to look the way I do these
days. So me & my Jersey Crew (Mare, Will, Sariah) went down to Jersey
Mikes to grab some sandwiches. The parentals had a Giant Italian,
although they already had me a year ago (OK, lame joke). I nibbled at
it a bit with some of those addictive Mesquite BBQ Kettle Chips.
Great way to start off the day. Now the Big Deal is fed and the abs
are primed to show off at the shore. The drive here sucked. I'm not
a fan of traffic, you try being cooped up in this little seat with 2
seat belts on ya. At least you all can recline your chairs. I'm
stuck and strapped in the back here. You get sleep, you recline and
take a snooze nicely. Me? My head just droops down and I wake up
with a puddle of slobber on my right knee. In Jersey it is all toll
roads. Yea, you gotta pay for the opportunity to sit in this mess.
There ain't no freeways here, all pay ways. They got expressways,
thruways, parkways, etc, but all will cost ya a pretty penny. Next
time I'm down, I'm gonna indulge my Chinese side and chip an EZ pass
to get free tolls. Now try to exit these things, most exits are just
another parkway or whatever way, and if you do ever find a real exit,
why can't you ever make a left? What's up with these Jughandles?
Gotta make a right to make a left? Serious? At least they have free
Full Service gas stations. Anyway, The beach itself is completely
packed. Ever crazier? You gotta pay to sit on the sand and you not
gonna find any room to do so. Everyone and their mother comes here.
Yea, I know, I brought the mother as well, even the pops. I added to
the mess, sorry. So anyway, I avoided all that and just hit up the
boardwalk. The boardwalk was my type of thang, has the Big Deal
written all over it. I got my stroll on and walked near some ladies,
who seems to never be able to keep their orange hands off of me. The
boardwalk had lots of shops, places to grub, fair games, and arcades.
I got me some Mango Italian Ice, since it was hot out, then we hit up
an arcade to test my luck with the crane game. You know your boy
Ralphy P has got some skillz as I won me a dope Linny Wonder Pet. I
had to push my luck and partook in the baseball pitching game and was
the fastest thrower in my age group, so I won my an big inflatable
Yankee bat. Sah-Wheat! The Snooki's were all over jockin your boy
here, so I had to make my departure up the Turnpike and get some last
minute shoppin on, since there was no sales tax. Gotta keep the Big
Deal looking fly ouy know. Ralphy P, out!

The Apple Store

Everyone has their favorite store in the mall, right? My mom likes
Forever 21 & Charlotte Rouse. My dad likes Footlocker & Sports
Chalet. Me? I found my store, and I don't even need to know how to
read to know its my spot. Just look for a big apple. The Apple Store
is my spot. Have you been here? It's like a digital playland, and
it's free! There are pads and phones and laptops for the parentals to
play on, but head to the back. Not the way back where the blue
shirted nerds are at the counter, just before that. There is a table
just my size with computers on them and little sphere (yea, I know my
shapes already) type chairs to chill on. What's better, these
computers are loaded with the dopest games. By know, my true
followers know my TV shows and Wonder Pets is up there, well, Wonder
Pets game was starring me in the grill on those little computers. I
sat and played for hours. I messed with the mousey thing and smacked
at the keyboard. It's not easy to use yet, but it's fun. I don't get
the letters all jumbled up and what button does what, but hey, you
better not talk because I didn't see your name on the High Score list.
I can sit here all day, and now that I am the big 1, I can stand up
for myself. If they try to take me off the ball, I just yell and they
don't move me, same goes with the mouse. Sometimes all the computers
are taken, so I just stand next to any little girl and give here the
eyebrows, and next thing you know, I'm making Ming Ming build a
flyboat. Yes, I love this store, getting me out is a pain, I can
shriek like the girls in horror movies and can go limp easily just as
well. I should go in for acting, no? Anyway, I digress, come check
this place out. Bring your parent along and maybe you can sucker them
into buying the game to take home. I'm working on mine. Call me if
you get it and I'll set up a playdate. Holla!

My New Love

So you all know by now that I'm a lover, not a fighter. Well, that
was before I found something worth fighting for. I have found my new
love. She is cool, oh so very cool. She is such a sweety and just my
size. I can't keep my hands off and she makes me smile when she
touches my lips. I would pass on all the rest and devote myself just
to that sweet precious smooth love. I have even recently come to
blows with the parental who tried to get in our way. My new love, I
call her JJ. Met her in Jersey, but I know we will be reunited in
Cali. Jamba Juice, Pina Colada. My parents bought a big one for them
to share and thought it'd be "cute" to see how'd I react to something
so cold and slushy. I don't think that they got the reaction that
they were expecting. I almost sucked that bad girl dry right there.
So dang delicious! Best I ever had and still think of it in my
dreams. You may think I am overreacting, but go a year on formula and
water then have a taste of my sweet JJ on a hot summer afternoon and
you'd be blogging the world as well. They tried to take JJ away from
me, but I wouldn't let go. Not havin it at all, I pulled right back
just as hard as I could. They tried again and I gave them a dirty
look. They tried once more and I belted out a scream louder than when
I got circumcised. I had my JJ in full grasp with both hands. I was
on so tight that I was bending the Styrofoam and about to pop the
plastic lid off. I may have tried a little too hard, because although
I won the battle, the parentals won the war. I've been on milk and
water ever since :( Miss you JJ, Call me. - Ryan

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Vegas Baby! Vegas!

Woohoo! Just got back from my 1st Vegas trip. Didn’t know what to expect, but this place is my new 2nd home. Started off napping all the way, but we stopped at the Primm Outlets. I walked around, but there wasn’t too much for me. I’m for the new trends, not the clothes that are older than me. Got tired from walkin and grubbed at the Mad Greek outside. So glad I passed up the food court to eat this, the Tzaziki sauce drooled down my chin. Got to Vegas and pulled up VIP style at Hard Rock Tower. Room was cool, 2 beds, one of which I completely took over, as I toss and turn a lot and kick my dad off the bed. Well, sun was still out when we checked in, so I decided to hit up the pool. Pool was hot! I splashed around and started flirting with the drunk girls tanning. I got lots of smiles and high fives as I swam around. I wore so much sun block, but cool thing was I got tan, even thru the SPF 50. I got darker and my dad got jealous. I got momma’s skin, whew! I get brown, not red 
Swimming took all my energy, so dinner had to be big. Got my Prime Rib on at Redwood in downtown. That prime rib is so tender then can put it in a Gerber jar for the babies with no teeth to enjoy. Since we were in downtown for dinner, we hit up Fremont street to party. Saw a very cool light show about The Doors, and got my beads from some chicks. Parentals went to gamble and I watched street shows. Lots of cool sights to see and people watching is something I enjoy, but it was a long day and time to hit the hay.
Woke up early as always and dragged my parents and grandparents to grub on breakfast. Was very hungry from all the partying yesterday, so had to do it buffet style. Found a cool deal for 24 hours of buffet at 7 different hotels for 35 bucks, had to jump on that. Breakfast was at Planet Hollywood. Ate my pancakes and banana, with a couple bits of bacon, my weakness. Afterwards, time to shoot machine guns at The Gun Store. I guess you have to be 18, so I couldn’t regulate, but the parents both did. Maybe in 17 more years.
Today was just more gambling, swimming, shopping, and eating at more buffets. This time lunch was at Paris and dinner was at Rio. Rio was so huge. Although there was about an hour line by the time we got there, it was worth it. This buffet was huge, I walked until I dropped and there was still more. There was an Asian section, Mexican, BBQ, Italian, Mediterrianian, fruit, pastry, soup, etc etc. I ate bits of BBQ, noodles, yams, and pita bread, then washed it down with Gelato. The perfect end to another fun day. Now let me sleep across the whole bed so the parents can’t get comfortable. If they dare move me, I’ll stay up crying for half an hour. I know how to get my way.
Sadly my final day of Vegas came. Packed up early while watching the 1st half of the US World Cup game, then off to Caesars for breakfast buffet. Was able to get that 4th buffet within 30 minutes of the 24 hour deadline, sweet! Chomped away on French toast, bacon , and banana with my 8 teeth. Yup, that even surprise myself. I just remember only having 3, now I got 8! My bites hurt now!
After breakfast we went to Circus Circus. Yes, it’s a bit ghetto, but it’s the spot for kids like me, much more entertaining that watching fish swim around at Mandalay Bay. At Circus Circus I watched clowns perform, Russian girls doing acrobatics in nets in the air, went on a carousel, saw Spongebob, and played different amusement games like throwin balls in fish bowls and hammering chickens on catapults into buckets. My skills won me some fuzzy dice for the windshield, sweet! But, time was up and had to get back to LA. On the way, stopped for pie at Peggy Sue’s Diner in Yermo, very good, and saw some film crew for Holly’s World shooting in there. They didn’t pay me enough, so I didn’t let them film me, so I just chilled and ate some pie, I had bits of apple, banana crème, and blueberry. Very tasty, but the food coma knocked me out the rest of the way home. Can’t wait to come back!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I don't give a hoot, cuz it's my birthday!

So, had my big b-day bash at the park yesterday, but today was my actual birthday. I called up my homies to come join me at a happy hour, but a lot of them are pretty busy on a Monday. My homie Aiden said he’d roll by for a while. We decided to have a couple drinks at Hooter’s. We both love milk, so why not. I heard guys go there to check out girls in tacky clothes, but I felt like I was the piece of meat there. Girls all just kept coming up to me and wanting to hold me. One girl even gave me a balloon and wrote a little message on it. I can’t read so that didn’t do much for me. Girls all wanted a pic with us, so I had to oblige. I wonder how many kids they feed as they seem to have a lot of milk ready on hand. I let them take their pics and give me kisses, then it was back to grubbing. At some wings and rings and had good times with my buddy. Thanks for coming out A! See ya next year!