What's up, I'm Ryan

Hey, I'm Ryan. I was born 2 months ago and my life is awesome. So I figured I'd blog about it and give props to the other 2 month olds here. Class of 2027 in the house!

I became a sparkle in the eye of my Dad at a UCLA football game when he saw little kids dressed up in gear. Girls rocking the kiddie cheerleader outfits and the boys with the kiddie jerseys. That's when he wanted to make me. Might have been all the tailgating as well. Mom and dad played with some birds or bees or something that night and I was made.

I started kinda ugly. Looked like a lil circle at first smaller than the tip of a pin too, then started to look like a slug, weeks passed by and i kinda got alien and gremlin looking, then eventually I grew to the good looking dude that I am and felt like I had enough and wanted out. It was a long 10 months in there. Every week that passed it seemed like my square footage would decrease. I'd try to kick the walls down, but nothing really changed. Eventually I felt it was time to ditch the place. Mom started walking alot and I couldn't take it, so one day while she was walking to the donut store, I broke the wall down and the slip n slide was ready. Of course, knowing that mom lady, she kept on walking to the donut store first and got her snack.

Mom thought I was a pain in the abdomen, so she got some pain killer shot in her back. I didn't want that, so I acted up and they obliged and cut me an escape door to free myself through. Sucks for her, but I'm happy.

I kinda miss my old place though. I came out into this world and now everyone was touching me, putting things in my nose and mouth, washing me, poking me, and wrapping me in blankets. Weak! I also have to eat by sucking a bottle, where before I just ate without any work, food went straight into my belly.

I'm used to this place now though. These parents of mine sleep too long though, they like to sleep maybe 6-7 hours in a row if I'd let them, but I don't. I don't want them to get lazy. I'll give them 3 if they're lucky.

My parents might be anorexic I think. They only eat 3, maybe 4 times a day. I don't get it. I need to eat every 2 hours, sometimes less. I don't know how they get by on so little and not cry. I have to shout and cry at them so they don't let me starve. Same with my diaper. They never notice unless I cry and shout at them or try to pee or poo so hard that it's noticable. Yes, I've pooped though many outfits and blankets. It's fun.

The worst was a couple days ago. I went to the doctor. They poked me with a few needles, but I made sure there was no mercury in them. Nonetheless, they hurt. Oh well. They also said I was "healthy" which is doctor code for "fatty". I came out 6 lbs 12 oz, and now I'm over 13 lbs. yea, I doubled. I'm in the 75th percentile for "healthiness". Momma got some "healthy" milk in her.

Today not much is new. I went to a photo shoot today and this lady tried to make me smile. I don't smile for strangers. I pooped for her though, she better be content with that. Today was one of my best poo's. I did it so hard that it was literally in my belly button. I don't know they physics behind it, but I did it and am proud. I made momma wash me cuz of it. Straight from the changing table to the sink. Oh, I like being washed. Sometimes I cry for no reason, just to keep my parents on their toes, but I am a sucker for the shower. I can't cry in there, just feels way too good. Anyway, I think I wanna cry now. I just ate an hour and a half ago and still can wait another 30 minutes, but mom and dad are eating dinner, so about time for me to mess with them.

Talk to ya later. Thanks for stopping by. I'll let you know what goes on here and there. Keep checkin back. Laterz.