Ryan's Life

La Familia de White Plains

2010-07-25T15:43:00.001-07:00

When I tell people I was planning to hit up Nueva York, they always
ask what part I'm staying at. Not like they have heard of anything
other than the boroughs of the city, and think all other places are
way upstate. I tell them White Plains. This is where my Dad was born
and his side of La Familia resides, Los Colombianos. Most have only
heard of the city name in passing during beer commercials. Next time
you see a Heinekin commercial of the most interesting Dos Equis guy,
you'll hear White Plains, NY at the end. This place has it all
though. 4 malls, yup 4! True, 1 is severly ghetto, but the other 3
are cool. There is a good library here that my family uses as their
blockbuster. You can rent up to 25 dvd's each, and they got newer
releases. 25 each, for free! Lots fo great places to eat, none
better than the new discovery of the Iron Tomato. I've been there 3
times this week. Those meatball calzones are the best in the world.
White Plains has some sentimental value as well. Mi bisabuela lives
here, that is my great grandma. She stays at the same spot she has
been since my dad was born. She's got an apartment in a huge brick
building and in the next apartment is my great aunt n uncle and 4
cousins. Yea, 4 of them crazy Gomez's. First is the only girl,
Gabby, she is aptly named because she never is quiet. We call her Yo
Gabba Gabba. Next is Alex, he always wants to carry me, but then he
puts me down right away. He's in his 2nd year in high school and
already way taller than my dad. Then there is Sebastian, he is the
Dr. Evil to my Mini Me. Then finally Frankie, the hyper boy, who
needs to take the blue pill more often. I love hanging out with them
each in their own crazy way. We went to the Saxon Woods pool the
other day. We took the taxi there. Pretty sweet, since it was both
my first time in a taxi and first time in a car without my car seat.
This pool was a community pool for the whole county. It holds over
1500 people. The line to get in was about 45 minutes, but this pool
was huge. I tried not to swallow water, because I am sure there was
tons of pee in it. What kinda sucked was that I was too short to do
the kiddie part with the slide and my mom was too tall to go in with
me, so I just swam around with the parentals and cousins.
I have some other cousins as well, just across the border in Jersey.
Bianca is the oldest, and going to school at Rutgers, she is the
brains of the family. Next is Jake who I didn't get to meet yet since
he was at camp, and finally Sophia. This girl wouldn't keep her hands
off of me and kept trying to kiss me, ugh! Girls have cooties! I
wish I could take them all back with me in my suitcase, but each extra
piece of luggage is gonna be an extra 50 bucks. Oh well, we always
have facebook to chat. Come visit! Miss ya familia!

Empire State of my Diaper

2010-07-25T15:42:00.001-07:00

Flew to the East Coast and your boy Ryan becomes Rocco in the NYC.
The city is cool, but definately not built for toddlers like me. I
thought that they'd prep it up a bit upon hearing about my arrival,
but I guess the memo wasn't sent since there was no record of my
flight. My parents opted not to get me a seat and instead treated me
like carry on luggage and lapped me for free for 3000 miles to save
some green. Cheapskates! But seriously, what's up with the
discrimination against the youth and elderly? You can't do anything
if you are confined to a wheelchair or stroller. I heart NY maybe,
but it sure don't feel like NY hearts Rocco. Wheels in the city?
Fuggetaboutit! First off, have you seen the gap between the trains
and the platform? Yes, Mind the gap, but I can't jump that and my
wheel is smaller than the gap! I gotta get my whole ride carried
over. Next, the aisels are so tight I can't get wheeled through so I
gotta go find the handicap area to chill in. These New Yorkers,
sheesh, they seem to prefer these handicap seats. I roll up on them
and they don't wanna give me eye contact, so I gotta roll up on their
toes to get their attention. So I get my handicap spot and we are
off, we pull up to grand central and everyone is in a mad dash for the
exit, of course people try to cut in front of me and bump me, so I
scrape the back of their heels with the stoller. I can get pretty
passive-aggressive, so watch yourselves that you don't cross me wrong.
Finally get past the crowd as they all take the stairs and I'm left
to find an elevator. The elevators are scares and 1/2 the time they
are broken or under maintenance. These smell severly as well, kinda
like my diapers after a good Chipotle beans n rice lunch. Most subway
stations don't even have an elevator, so I gotta be carried in my
stroller up the many long and narrow flights of stairs. I gave a
piece of my mind back as I skipped most subway fares and went thru the
emergency exits. Even walkin around the city, you need off roading
tires on your rides with all the potholes, curbs that dont reach all
the way down to the street, and big steps to get into stores.
Hopefully next time I can ditch the stroller and depend on my legs and
have a long enough attention span to stay focused on walking straight
and following the parentals. The ADA would have a field day on this
if it were Cali.
I do gotta say though, besides that part, I really do heart NY. The
fun started off in Chinatown & Canal Street. We followed hustlers
down streets and alleys to backrooms to check out the Louis &
Tiffany's and all the best deals. Even found a mini sweatshop looking
place where I got me my next Chinese New Years outfit. My bud got
herself a Chanel wallet and momma got some new earrings for a few
bucks. In C-Town we grubbed a few scallion pancakes and tolled up to
Lil Italy to get in touch with some more of your boy Rocco's roots.
Momma did some damage in SoHo, while Pops laced me up in some jerseys
from the NBA store and Modell's.
The food in NYC is great. Took a break from the organic baby jar food
for a while and grubbed international. Went with the crew to Sofrito
for some Puerto Rican meat n rice, since it was restaurant week, but
nothing tops the charts in the city that the Halal food cart. Not all
food carts are the same. Hit up the one on the southwest corner of
53rd & 6th. Grab some of the Lamb over rice and get all the white
sauce you can. They make it fresh and their Tzakiki is their own
special creation. 6 bucks for a huge plate. The line may be long but
it's worth the wait. You got the Rocco guarantee on that one.
NYC is about culture. Some many museums to choose from, but I'm 1, so
we hit up the CMOM, Childrens Museum of Manhattan. AKA Si Mom, yo
quiero ir. This place is sweet. I got in free, but parents had to
pay. Sucks for them. It's all hands on, unlike all the other
museums. 4 stories fo fun here, and another Rocco rec. Bottom floor
is all science and brain games, but it's the 2nd floor for where the
party is at. Dora and Diego set up shop there. Played and learned
about animals, plus slides, cars, and blocks. Spent a good hour plus
here. Next floor up is a big playroom. Sand trays, paint aream fire
truck, ball games, and more slides. I partook in it all for another
hour. Got a little too excited with the paint and my new kicks are a
little more blue now. 4th floor is for them older folk, you know age
4 and up. Outside is a big water area where I splashed and made my
own wet T-shirt party. Upper Westside, come check it out.
What is NYC without sports? Took the 6 train to my 1st Yankee game.
I was pimpin out my new jersey, but it was so hot out, even though it
was a night game, and I cheered on topless. I partied with my milk
belly hanging out. Saw a Swisherlicious homer, but my attention was
more on the domician chick one row up. She was an older woman, maybe
14 months. We clapped together, pointed at each other, and jumped
around together. Even saw her later downstairs as we were leaving and
got me a hug goodbye.
In all NYC was fun. I'll be back for sure, definately to that food
cart. Hopefully will come in Winter to see the Giants in their new
digs, but for now, I gotta write a letter to the ADA to get some help
for my young and old peeps. NYC, C ya later. Rocco, out!

Ralphy "The Big Deal" P in Jersey!

2010-07-25T15:41:00.001-07:00

Yo! Yo! It's Ralphy P here from Jersey! I get an local alias
everywhere I venture to, so here at the Jersey shore, my guido side
pops out. Mike the "situation" goes into hiding when Ralphy "The Big
Deal" P comes strollin in town. When we first rolled in, we were
starvin. It takes a lot of good eatin to look the way I do these
days. So me & my Jersey Crew (Mare, Will, Sariah) went down to Jersey
Mikes to grab some sandwiches. The parentals had a Giant Italian,
although they already had me a year ago (OK, lame joke). I nibbled at
it a bit with some of those addictive Mesquite BBQ Kettle Chips.
Great way to start off the day. Now the Big Deal is fed and the abs
are primed to show off at the shore. The drive here sucked. I'm not
a fan of traffic, you try being cooped up in this little seat with 2
seat belts on ya. At least you all can recline your chairs. I'm
stuck and strapped in the back here. You get sleep, you recline and
take a snooze nicely. Me? My head just droops down and I wake up
with a puddle of slobber on my right knee. In Jersey it is all toll
roads. Yea, you gotta pay for the opportunity to sit in this mess.
There ain't no freeways here, all pay ways. They got expressways,
thruways, parkways, etc, but all will cost ya a pretty penny. Next
time I'm down, I'm gonna indulge my Chinese side and chip an EZ pass
to get free tolls. Now try to exit these things, most exits are just
another parkway or whatever way, and if you do ever find a real exit,
why can't you ever make a left? What's up with these Jughandles?
Gotta make a right to make a left? Serious? At least they have free
Full Service gas stations. Anyway, The beach itself is completely
packed. Ever crazier? You gotta pay to sit on the sand and you not
gonna find any room to do so. Everyone and their mother comes here.
Yea, I know, I brought the mother as well, even the pops. I added to
the mess, sorry. So anyway, I avoided all that and just hit up the
boardwalk. The boardwalk was my type of thang, has the Big Deal
written all over it. I got my stroll on and walked near some ladies,
who seems to never be able to keep their orange hands off of me. The
boardwalk had lots of shops, places to grub, fair games, and arcades.
I got me some Mango Italian Ice, since it was hot out, then we hit up
an arcade to test my luck with the crane game. You know your boy
Ralphy P has got some skillz as I won me a dope Linny Wonder Pet. I
had to push my luck and partook in the baseball pitching game and was
the fastest thrower in my age group, so I won my an big inflatable
Yankee bat. Sah-Wheat! The Snooki's were all over jockin your boy
here, so I had to make my departure up the Turnpike and get some last
minute shoppin on, since there was no sales tax. Gotta keep the Big
Deal looking fly ouy know. Ralphy P, out!

The Apple Store

2010-07-25T15:40:00.001-07:00

Everyone has their favorite store in the mall, right? My mom likes
Forever 21 & Charlotte Rouse. My dad likes Footlocker & Sports
Chalet. Me? I found my store, and I don't even need to know how to
read to know its my spot. Just look for a big apple. The Apple Store
is my spot. Have you been here? It's like a digital playland, and
it's free! There are pads and phones and laptops for the parentals to
play on, but head to the back. Not the way back where the blue
shirted nerds are at the counter, just before that. There is a table
just my size with computers on them and little sphere (yea, I know my
shapes already) type chairs to chill on. What's better, these
computers are loaded with the dopest games. By know, my true
followers know my TV shows and Wonder Pets is up there, well, Wonder
Pets game was starring me in the grill on those little computers. I
sat and played for hours. I messed with the mousey thing and smacked
at the keyboard. It's not easy to use yet, but it's fun. I don't get
the letters all jumbled up and what button does what, but hey, you
better not talk because I didn't see your name on the High Score list.
I can sit here all day, and now that I am the big 1, I can stand up
for myself. If they try to take me off the ball, I just yell and they
don't move me, same goes with the mouse. Sometimes all the computers
are taken, so I just stand next to any little girl and give here the
eyebrows, and next thing you know, I'm making Ming Ming build a
flyboat. Yes, I love this store, getting me out is a pain, I can
shriek like the girls in horror movies and can go limp easily just as
well. I should go in for acting, no? Anyway, I digress, come check
this place out. Bring your parent along and maybe you can sucker them
into buying the game to take home. I'm working on mine. Call me if
you get it and I'll set up a playdate. Holla!

My New Love

2010-07-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

So you all know by now that I'm a lover, not a fighter. Well, that
was before I found something worth fighting for. I have found my new
love. She is cool, oh so very cool. She is such a sweety and just my
size. I can't keep my hands off and she makes me smile when she
touches my lips. I would pass on all the rest and devote myself just
to that sweet precious smooth love. I have even recently come to
blows with the parental who tried to get in our way. My new love, I
call her JJ. Met her in Jersey, but I know we will be reunited in
Cali. Jamba Juice, Pina Colada. My parents bought a big one for them
to share and thought it'd be "cute" to see how'd I react to something
so cold and slushy. I don't think that they got the reaction that
they were expecting. I almost sucked that bad girl dry right there.
So dang delicious! Best I ever had and still think of it in my
dreams. You may think I am overreacting, but go a year on formula and
water then have a taste of my sweet JJ on a hot summer afternoon and
you'd be blogging the world as well. They tried to take JJ away from
me, but I wouldn't let go. Not havin it at all, I pulled right back
just as hard as I could. They tried again and I gave them a dirty
look. They tried once more and I belted out a scream louder than when
I got circumcised. I had my JJ in full grasp with both hands. I was
on so tight that I was bending the Styrofoam and about to pop the
plastic lid off. I may have tried a little too hard, because although
I won the battle, the parentals won the war. I've been on milk and
water ever since :( Miss you JJ, Call me. - Ryan

Vegas Baby! Vegas!

2010-06-23T21:29:00.001-07:00

Woohoo! Just got back from my 1st Vegas trip. Didn’t know what to expect, but this place is my new 2nd home. Started off napping all the way, but we stopped at the Primm Outlets. I walked around, but there wasn’t too much for me. I’m for the new trends, not the clothes that are older than me. Got tired from walkin and grubbed at the Mad Greek outside. So glad I passed up the food court to eat this, the Tzaziki sauce drooled down my chin. Got to Vegas and pulled up VIP style at Hard Rock Tower. Room was cool, 2 beds, one of which I completely took over, as I toss and turn a lot and kick my dad off the bed. Well, sun was still out when we checked in, so I decided to hit up the pool. Pool was hot! I splashed around and started flirting with the drunk girls tanning. I got lots of smiles and high fives as I swam around. I wore so much sun block, but cool thing was I got tan, even thru the SPF 50. I got darker and my dad got jealous. I got momma’s skin, whew! I get brown, not red 
Swimming took all my energy, so dinner had to be big. Got my Prime Rib on at Redwood in downtown. That prime rib is so tender then can put it in a Gerber jar for the babies with no teeth to enjoy. Since we were in downtown for dinner, we hit up Fremont street to party. Saw a very cool light show about The Doors, and got my beads from some chicks. Parentals went to gamble and I watched street shows. Lots of cool sights to see and people watching is something I enjoy, but it was a long day and time to hit the hay.
Woke up early as always and dragged my parents and grandparents to grub on breakfast. Was very hungry from all the partying yesterday, so had to do it buffet style. Found a cool deal for 24 hours of buffet at 7 different hotels for 35 bucks, had to jump on that. Breakfast was at Planet Hollywood. Ate my pancakes and banana, with a couple bits of bacon, my weakness. Afterwards, time to shoot machine guns at The Gun Store. I guess you have to be 18, so I couldn’t regulate, but the parents both did. Maybe in 17 more years.
Today was just more gambling, swimming, shopping, and eating at more buffets. This time lunch was at Paris and dinner was at Rio. Rio was so huge. Although there was about an hour line by the time we got there, it was worth it. This buffet was huge, I walked until I dropped and there was still more. There was an Asian section, Mexican, BBQ, Italian, Mediterrianian, fruit, pastry, soup, etc etc. I ate bits of BBQ, noodles, yams, and pita bread, then washed it down with Gelato. The perfect end to another fun day. Now let me sleep across the whole bed so the parents can’t get comfortable. If they dare move me, I’ll stay up crying for half an hour. I know how to get my way.
Sadly my final day of Vegas came. Packed up early while watching the 1st half of the US World Cup game, then off to Caesars for breakfast buffet. Was able to get that 4th buffet within 30 minutes of the 24 hour deadline, sweet! Chomped away on French toast, bacon , and banana with my 8 teeth. Yup, that even surprise myself. I just remember only having 3, now I got 8! My bites hurt now!
After breakfast we went to Circus Circus. Yes, it’s a bit ghetto, but it’s the spot for kids like me, much more entertaining that watching fish swim around at Mandalay Bay. At Circus Circus I watched clowns perform, Russian girls doing acrobatics in nets in the air, went on a carousel, saw Spongebob, and played different amusement games like throwin balls in fish bowls and hammering chickens on catapults into buckets. My skills won me some fuzzy dice for the windshield, sweet! But, time was up and had to get back to LA. On the way, stopped for pie at Peggy Sue’s Diner in Yermo, very good, and saw some film crew for Holly’s World shooting in there. They didn’t pay me enough, so I didn’t let them film me, so I just chilled and ate some pie, I had bits of apple, banana crème, and blueberry. Very tasty, but the food coma knocked me out the rest of the way home. Can’t wait to come back!

I don't give a hoot, cuz it's my birthday!

2010-06-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

So, had my big b-day bash at the park yesterday, but today was my actual birthday. I called up my homies to come join me at a happy hour, but a lot of them are pretty busy on a Monday. My homie Aiden said he’d roll by for a while. We decided to have a couple drinks at Hooter’s. We both love milk, so why not. I heard guys go there to check out girls in tacky clothes, but I felt like I was the piece of meat there. Girls all just kept coming up to me and wanting to hold me. One girl even gave me a balloon and wrote a little message on it. I can’t read so that didn’t do much for me. Girls all wanted a pic with us, so I had to oblige. I wonder how many kids they feed as they seem to have a lot of milk ready on hand. I let them take their pics and give me kisses, then it was back to grubbing. At some wings and rings and had good times with my buddy. Thanks for coming out A! See ya next year!

I'm no longer zero!

2010-06-08T08:32:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! I’m one now! I celebrated with a big bash at the park. Dunno if I will do the park again, as I had to fight this dude for tables at the crack of dawn. Park opens at dawn, which is just after 5 am, but this guy was here at 3:30 settin up. Not cool man. There were 12 tables and they told me you gotta have 1 body per table to reserve it. He had 2 people and tryin to hold all 12 tables, for a party of about 50 people. Come on man. Got mad and momma called the Po-Po. Po-Po came down and hooked us up and we were able to divide all the tables up, so we got 6 each. Now that works right? Sweet. My party was at 11 and his not till 2. Downright greedy. How you gonna try to rain on my parade?! Anyway. Party started jumpin around 11, had me a taco chick cooking up lots of grub. Had about 20-30 friends swing by, but they all brought their parents, so like 70 people showed up. I brought all my toys from home so we could all play and it was fun. I sported my new cape which gave me super powers. I pushed my buddy who carjacked me all around the park in the car. He didn’t know how to use the brakes, actually there were no brakes. Maybe it’s a Toyota. After playin we ate cake. I had 3 cakes. My dad made one and 2 from Vons. I ate the one my dad made. I might as well since he neglected me for 6 hours trying to make it. I dug my hands in and chomped it down. Then I opened up my presents. Filled up the Sequoia with all these gifts. So many new toys and cool gear to sport for school next year. Pretty fly for a 1/4 white guy. After the gifts, played around some more in the Wonder Pets play area. Momma made these huge Wonder Pets characters all around the grass, was pretty cool. I’ll see what I want next year, gonna make it much more involved. Only 3 Wonder Pets, but if I do Yo Gabba Gabba, she gotta make double that ;). Party died down as we all wanted to watch the Lakers, but was a fun time. So much fun I knocked out right after. Thanks for coming to all my friends and we’ll get down again next year!

Real Food!

2010-04-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Whoa! I've been gyped for 10 months! When I first started, I only drank milk. Not even milk, water with some powder. That's it, for like 1/2 a year or so! I was cool with it, mainly though because I didn't know any better. When I finally was able to sense and understand things around me, I noticed that no one else has their meals from a bottle, except during tailgates and parties, where the bottle is the thang.
So after 6 months, I started eating different foods, mainly from little glass jars. So much better. Unlike my bottle, I now can change from having the same thing to eat, 8 time a day. With these glass jars of food, I had things like peas, butternut squash, chicken dinner, pears, etc. They were all so smooth and creamy. I was lovin life then. Another month or so later, they started pouring in some powder like oatmeal or rice cereal in my jars. Made it a little thicker and filling, which I liked. I though life was good. Still a bit bland, but what do I know. I been drinking fake milk for half a year.
Now there is no going back. I tried real food. Yes, the stuff all you people reading this eat. It started out sucking on a chicken bone from El Pollo Loco. I also had a bit of that tortilla and even some guacamole. Whoa! Now there is the taste I've been hearing about when I read those blogs from my foodie friends. I wanted this new crazy chicken food every day, but then I found out there was more. I found out that there are places much better than Babies R Us to get meals. My parents took me to Trader Joe's. I love their stuff. I love chomping on bananas. Sure beats the bananas in the jars. The real thing is awesome. Even more so is my new favorite dinner. Trader Joe's Turkey Meatloaf. Yea, sounds kinda lame, but you gotta try it. I won't touch those jars of food now. If I see those, I go ahead, throw a fit, and the parents buckle down and give me leftover turkey meatloaf. It is soooo good. I only got 2 teeth, although I think a 3rd is on the way, but I can gum the heck out of that stuff. Try it, if you don't like it, send it my way.
Also, every Saturday morning, Dad makes pancakes. I absolutely love pancakes. So much that I make him make a bunch of them so I can freeze them and eat them all week for breakfast. It's Denny's at my house all week long. Pancakes are great, they are perfect for gumming, and fill me up. If I get too full, I just throw the rest on the floor and my dog Rusty gets to eat. I think he's bored with his dog food the way I was with the jarred food. He knows I got his back. He doesn't throw tantrums like I can, so he may never get off the little pebble food he has every single day. Sucks to be him, but now I'm livin large with my real food. I taste everything my parents eat and now I got my own shopping cart for Trader Joe's. Sweet!

Spring Break!

2010-04-13T12:22:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! My 1st Spring Break! I heard so much about this, but have no clue what it is. I found out. I guess things get better in 20 years and 2 more months, when I finally hit 21, but mine was OK nonetheless. First off was Easter. I'm not too quick on my feet, so I skipped the finding eggs thing. I don't quite get it. I thought eggs were good for you, why would you paint them in pastels and then try to hide them in tall grass and trees? Shouldn't you just scramble them and put them on a plate? I can't climb trees, shoot, I can't even walk yet. More than that, I don't even eat eggs yet. And if I did, I don't eat bunny eggs. Wait, do bunnies even lay eggs? Hmmmm, weird. Anyway, what I did do was cruise over to my dad's parents place and chilled with them. They made Korean beef, some type of chicken, rice, chips & guac, and some pie for dessert. I only got 2 teeth, so couldn't quite get the beef down, but settled for chicken and rice. Not bad. Kinda gross that parent has to chew it a bit then give it to me, but whatever, sure beats baby food, especially that organic baby food.
Next day we cruised to San Diego. Parents took me to the Zoo. It was amazing. I though the world was full of people and dogs. Now there are all sorts of animals. My favorites were the polar bears I think. At least that's the place I got so excited that I peed through my diapers and soaked my pants. It woulda got more soaked if Mom wasn't carrying me. Her shirt soaked up a lot of it too :) I got her good, but kinda backfired, because I went for the next few hours pantless. So embarrasing.
We got home and next thing I know, Mom is getting her revenge on me. She drops me off with her parents and my mom and dad head to Vegas. What about me? I wanna see Vegas! I heard there are a bunch of Gymboree, Carter's, Baby Gap, and Children's Place outlets all over there. These parents of mine always pick my gear and I never get a say. I'll get them back one day and buy my own clothes to spite them. Maybe a USC sweater, that will get my dad mad. On second thought, I'd be way to embarrased to wear anything that ugly just to prove a point ;)
Parents finally came back home, and the next day we went to the Warrior Dash. My dad did one of his stupid race/obstacle events with his friend. I just sat there in the sun with some Viking hat on with horns. At least there were bananas there. I love bananas now. First I would have to have pieces cut off for me to work on, but now I can take little bites by myself. Sweet! No more baby food jars for me. I want the real thing. I can't believe I have been sheltered sooo long!
Well, now Spring Break is over and I'm back at daycare. 2 more months, then I am both out for Summer Break and gonna be a whole year old.
Come out and party with me!

My Social Life - Birthday Parties

2010-02-23T11:20:00.000-08:00

So, my social life used to suck. I never have done anything wrong, but I am always grounded, never get to go out unless the parentals want to. Kinda weak, right? But lately I've become a social butterfly. Yeah, I know I hang around with a lot of my family and family friends, but it's all on their terms. Now it's on mine. I have just discovered that some kids measure their life in years instead of months like I do. Yea, I'm 8 months, but I know kids that are 1, 2, or ever 3 years old! Everytime they get to a new year, their parents throw them a birthday party! I've been missing out, but not no more. I went to 2 of them last weekend. One was at a rat hole. Seriously, a big rat came out looking for cheese, and let me tell you, cheese was everywhere. He calls himself Chuck, and loves cheese so much that he uses it as his last name. So we partied at his place, Chuck E. Cheese. I hate when people use middle initials, why, really? Ok, that's a whole different train of thought. Chuck's place was loud and full of kids. Kids playing games, opening gifts, and eating pizza. Pizza looks good, sucks that I am lactose intolerant. Really sucks. Dad made pizza look good as he ate 7 slices. I sucked down a Soy Formula bottle. I wish I could eat cheese, or even drink milk. But no, lactose intolerance kills me. I even puked after eating an Organic Baby Yougart. Sigh. So back to the party, this kid turns 3 and gets present upon present, clothes, toys, gift cards, the works. Then gets all these gold coins to play video games. I want a party! But I gotta wait 4 more months! That is like 1/2 my current life!
Anyway, I got myself a golf token coin thing and rode a train with this purple dinosaur. It was cool, the train rocked back in forth while I touched all the lighted buttons and tried to eat the steering wheel. Didn't know trains had steering wheels, but whatever. I only rode it once, since I didn't like sharing the seat with the dinosaur, and he wouldn't get off, he seemed to be frozed there. So I went back, ate some cotton candy (shh! our secret), then bounced to go home since my poo face was showing.

That was Saturday, got my party on, and now Sunday, lets keep it rollin! Cruised down to Travel Town to hang with Aiden who turned 2. Travel town has lots of trains, but we mostly sat on blankets and sucked on toy trains, while parents ate pizza again, b@$t@rds! I met a kid my same age, was pretty cool. He's the one in the pic up there. We chilled, ate some teething biscuits, sucked on trains, jacked eack others toys, then checked out the girl babes around.

Parties are my new thing. Seems like a lot more coming up and these are going to be every year. Send me an invite if you are having one. And don't worry, I know the rule, BYOB, I always bring my own bottles.

Adios 2009, What's up for Twenty10!

2010-01-01T10:22:00.001-08:00

So there goes the Oh-9! I stayed up a lil to watch some TV and play Wii with the parents and grandparents. I kick butt in Table Tennis on Wii Sports Resort. I saw Ryan Seacrest (dope name) and Dick Clark in cold NY. Dick Clark kinda sounds like me when I try to talk. I kinda kinked out early. Like my parents, I drank too many bottles last night. Anyway, what a year it was, and I was only here for 1/2 of it! Reflecting back on the year, it was pretty rough. I'm sure I had it worse than most of you that are reading this. First, this summer, I became a cell. Next thing I know, I broke in half, then again, and again, and again, zygoting my way for weeks until I became a slug looking thing. How'd you like to keep being broken and divided only to look like a slug? Yea, thought so. But I was a slug in a nice cosy room, but man, I grew fast. Lots of you say you put on weight, but I grew exponentially. You may have gained a pants size up, but I grew so fast that my big cosy area was snugger than a prison cell on Rikers Island. I thought I had it bad then when I was all cramped up in my nice womb, but little did I know that was the good life. Next thing I know, I see this light at the end of the tunnel. I know, I know, you aren't supposed to go to the light, that means death, right? But I felt like I was being pushed towards it. I tried to fight it as best as I could, and actually managed to not get to it. I'm a pretty strong dude. But that did no good, as someone cut open an escape hatch in my womb and just yanked me out toward the light. Sucks. Bright, loud, freezing cold, and to top it off, they cut off my food supply. Weak. I know it's the recession and all with people gettin foreclosed on and evicted, with no job to pay for food, but dude, I'm a baby, have some consideration. I got evicted quick!

So, that all was during the summer. Life got better from then on. Got lots of people who are into me and like to hold me when they see me. My parents love me, but are quick to give me up when someone else wants to hold me. What's that all about? I have lots of auntees and uncles, who although look nothing like me (i think they are just friends of my parentals), buy me gifts, so I smile and wink back at them.

This year was also my big break. I had a photo shoot done by Kenny Phan. He's one of my girlfriends dad's. You probably seen the pics, I'm kinda facebook famous now. Speaking of which, I'm good with electronics. I play Mafia Wars now, log on to FB to upload my new pics, and write these here blogs. I also am pretty handy with the remotes and cell phones. Just make sure to dry them off when I give them back to you.

I said one of my girlfriends before. See, I'm not a player, I just got too big of a heart for any one person to hold. I have to share it with as many as possible. I don't want to be selfish, so I give hugs and smiles to everyone. I've become kind of a flirt this year. I like to stare down people until they smile. I'll stare you down for 5-10 minutes, you'll crack, trust me.

My food has goes through changes a lot this year. One of my resolutions is for a more consistent diet for 2010. In the 0h-9 I started with Amniotic Fluid for about 9 months. I don't recommend it, as it's kinda bland, but when you got no other choices, just make the best of it. Started with the boob milk, but that didn't last too long. It was in short supply. Next up to the Enfamil. That got me through most of the 1/2 year. And lately these jars of creamy mush. They call it vegetable chicken dinner or banana/mango oatmeal, or just simple veggies/fruits, but it really is just bland colored mush, but better than my typical bottle.

My sleep habits are good now. I used to be quite the insomniac, waking up every 2 hours. But now I can sleep about 10 hours at a shot. One thing I'm trying to do though is quit this puking. I puke all the time. It' doesn't hurt or bug me, but can be quite messy and unannounced. I even puked once right on my mom's face. Yea. Right on her eye and it flowed down to her nose and mouth. Sucks for her, but don't play with me too much after I suck down 6 ounces of Enfamil.

I'm a student, and on the 18 year plan to graduate. My school now is cake, I hope it's not the special class. All I do is eat, sleep, play with balls and on the floor, and take a stroll in a plastic car around the school. We get story time and singing and clapping. Sounds easy, right? But I haven't seen a short bus, so I think I'm cool.

Other achievements for this past year. I can sit up by myself now. Yea, sometimes I smile or laugh to hard and fall back down though. I'm not great with the balance year. I can crawl, but not forward. I either go backwards, or just end up spinning in circles. I have a big belly, and hard to get off the floor sometimes, also crawling using you face has proved ineffective. I make sounds now, nothing much, sounds like mumbles and high pitch squeals, but its progress for me. I can grab things well. Everything I grab goes right in my mouth too. So I got great hand-mouth coordination. My favorite things are mom's hair and necklaces, and remote controls & cell phones.

So, what big plans do I got in store for 2010 you ask? If you haven't asked, you may do so now because I'm gonna tell you anyway. First, I really need to get this crawling forward down. I see a remote control right in front of me a couple inches, I try to crawl toward it and now I'm 4 feet from it. It's frustrating, let me tell you! I also want to be able to walk. I think I can do that this year. Seems so efficient and fast. But gotta crawl before you walk, right?
I really want to pop these front teeth out. I'm drooling like my dad when he looks at my mom in her bathing suit. Slobber is all down my chin and my gums are swelling, but these things stay hidden.
Finally, I want to be able to talk. I have so much to say, and while I got mad typing skills, I wanna vocalize my wants and needs. Parents are ignoring my crying, they think I cry wolf too much, since I stop crying as soon as they pick me up. I gotta be able to tell them when I'm hungry, when I'm tired, when I wanna watch Yo Gabba Gabba, or when I pooped my pants.

So cheers to you for reading my 1/2 year's worth of blog. I got big plans as you see for Twenty10, and hope you do to.
Peace out!
-Ry

Winter Break!

2009-12-25T15:58:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! My 1st Christmas! So much happening these days. The break started pretty cool. On my last day of day care, me and my girlfriend swapped books. Yea, you heard that right, girlfriend. This girl in my daycare, let’s call her ‘A’. Me and her hold hands while we eat rice cereal at the bean table. I regifted her this rabbit book that I couldn’t get into, and she gave me this very nice pillowy texture book. Sweet! Anyhow, that’s the last day of day care, and the beginning of 2 weeks of winter break. I kinda miss daycare though. Those people feed and change me better than these parentals of mine. Day care gives me rice cereal for breakfast and whatever mom and dad pack for lunch, along with a few bottles. At home, I mostly get the bottle because they are too lazy to put a spoon in my mouth over and over while they are watching TV. True, I like to eat a few bites then my ADD flares up and I’m looking at what is behind me in the chair or stuffing my bib in my mouth, but these parents of mine work in schools and should know by now how to work a kid, right?
The next saga was taking a picture of me with Santa. Yes, it was a saga. I think next time we need to hit up a mall in Texas where the chunkies are, because these Santa’s aren’t fooling no toddler. We hit up the West Co Mall and found the long line for Santa. We waited a bit, then took a look at the big guy to see what was in store. This was no big guy. This ‘Santa’ wasn’t a big guy at all. Looked like an anorexic guy with a beard. I could even see the edges of the pillow in his robe. He had cheeks sunken in. Parents aren’t spending 20 bucks for a couple pictures with me and the Gastric Bypass Santa.
A couple days later we sought out the Santa Anita Mall for their Santa. Arcadia, so a bit wealthier area, so a good Santa should be there, right? Nope. Another old guy who called 1-800-GET-SLIM, only he had a dirty beard. I don’t want a picture with the homeless Santa, argh.
Finally, we went to the Puente Hills Mall. Figured more plumper people over there, so maybe a fat Santa, yea? Nope. Another LapBand member, although beard wasn’t as dirty. Feeling like it was a lost cause, I sat on dude’s lap for a picture. I was so disappointed that I couldn’t even smile, hard to believe right? I just sat there with a WTH look on my face. I wasn’t feelin it, so didn’t buy the pictures, whatever. Try again next year.
Christmas Eve was the day we celebrated. Family was coming over to party with me at night, so I got to open my presents when I woke up in the morning. Got lots of cool stuff from parents, friends, family, and the real Santa. Got new kicks, some cool gear, blocks, fake animals, learning toys and games, and a stocking full of other stuff. I made out good. The best stuff in my opinion was the wrapping paper. I tried to unwrap the gifts myself and once I tore a chunk of paper off, I was good. I love wrapping paper. I crumble it, then stuff it straight in my mouth. It’s like a game since parents only let me put food in my mouth. I keep grabbing paper and stuff it in my mouth over and over seeing if I can keep them on their toes.
The Christmas Party was fun. My mom’s side of the family is huge. House was loud and energetic. They gambled with dice, played White Elephant, did some Candy Cane holding game, pigged out, played Wii, then passed me around. I think I was passed 50-60 times last night. I feel like a piece of meat sometimes. People say I’m cute over and over, but seems like no one appreciates me for my mind. I may be 6 months, but mentally I’m about 9 months. Don’t know why that gets overlooked.
Now it’s Christmas Day and I’m playing with my new toys and puking on my new clothes. Life is good. Can’t wait for New Years to see what 2010 has in story for me. I’ll see you all next year!

Disneyland

2009-11-26T10:20:00.000-08:00

Yay!! My parents took me to Disneyland for the first time! I been to Downtown Disney before, but parents were to cheap to shell out some cash to get me inside the gates. Luckily, my auntie Winnie works for Disney and got us in fo' free. We all went as well as my homie Brandon ('B') and his parents. So, me and B were all excited coming here, so many rides and things to see. Later did I find out that the parents had more plans of their own than for us. We got there at 5 pm, and first thing they did is go to the Corn Dog stand to stuff their faces. Eventually they finished and we were off to a ride, Space Mountain. Sounds cool, right? Nope. I didn't get to ride, just them parentals. B's parents rode, then mine rode with a special pass. They used me and B to work the system so they didn't have to wait in line. So many rides we pulled up to just to wait outside in the cold while they had fun. Star Tours, Indiana Jones, even the Buzz Lightyear ride. They rode, I sat. It's cool though, they all came around later. My first ride was Pirates of the Caribbean. Pretty fun, especially that first drop. I haven't dropped like that since the last time my mom went to the hospital 1/2 a year ago. The next ride was the absolute best thing I have even seen. I didn't get on it until 11:15 p.m. I was dead asleep in the line. Yea, we actually had to wait in that one. Got on the Small World ride boat, still dozing off when parents tried to wake me up, but wasn't able to keep my eyes open for more than 4 seconds. Then it hit. We went in the tunnel and it was on. My eyes popped out of my head! There were hundreds of little kids that looked just like me singing songs for 13 minutes! They didn't look like real babies, but were my height. They were cool, because they can stand already without anyone holding them up, and they can sing! I couldn't keep my eyes off of them, they were everywhere! They turned side to side and all looked at me as they sung. I must have been dreaming, but it was the most surreal thing I every experienced outside of getting yanked out of my mom's tummy. Eventually and unfortunately it ended, but not in my head, I still have that song going on and on. I can't wait to go back and see my peoples again. They had rooms of asians, latinos, and whities. Like each part of my DNA, so cool. Gotta go back. Anyway, we left there and it was almost midnight. We tried for one last ride, the Haunted Mansion with Jack Snellington. It was broken earlier, but just open when we strolled by. We went in and it was ok. I don't know what scared is yet, so I wasn't scared, but the whole ride was a little dark for my style and cognitive age. Kinda funny in the end there were ghostly gingerbread men dancing on my head. Weird. I musta drunk some expired formula or something to have these hallucinations. Finally, 12:30 p.m. Park is supposed to be closed, and now we start our shopping. Lots of kids clothes, but they are kinda lacking on the baby gear. The mouse ears are a little tacky, but cool. I found a cool beanie version of it that is pretty pimp. Take a look on my facebook album of it. I'm gonna be getting all the girls at daycare now.

Trick or Treat, smell my stink.

2009-11-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

My First Halloween! Whoop-dee-doo. I'm sick. I been sick since Thursday night. Think I gave it to my dad as well, but he's better now. So I'm sick, and parents still wanna dress me up like a Monkey and parade me around the block. Whatever, I'm a laid back dude, I go with it. We got to about 10 houses and everyone says how cute I am and puts a bunch of candy in my basket, which I can't even hold yet. I get big handfuls from each house because they recognize how dang good I look, even if I just sneezed out a booger bigger than my parents can make. Booger was so big, it looked like me at 2 months in the womb. Again, on to the next house. I get some Skittles, Snickers, Twix, and a ruler. Because I'm gonna need it to find the x,y coordinates of the jumper at my day care on Monday, right? And candy? I don't even have teeth yet, and just barely getting this solid stuff going down the right way. Came back home after I pooped for a minute straight. Mom was getting tired of carrying me and Dad has been keeping his distance since we got sick as well. I'm sure that poop added an extra pound of weight. It reached my armpits. Yea, impressive, right?
So now we are home passing out candy, keeping the good stuff in the bottom of the basket and giving out the unwanted ones first by the handful. Gave that ruler away to the first door knocker. I know they make single use Enfamil's why don't these peeps stock up on those as well. At least some Pedialyte, which is my new drink since this tummy bug of mine started up. We babies gotta march for this, at least crawl and drool a bit for it. We do the work, and the parents get the rewards. Weak! Bring on Christmas already!

Dim Sum!

2009-10-28T15:46:00.000-07:00

Got sick of the bottle, so went out for a lil dim sum with the parents and grandma. Whoa this place is loud. Chopsticks clanking on plates, people talking loudly in Chinese with their mouths full, etc. Anyway, so many new smells too. Tried some BBQ pork, some rice noodles, and other things I have no idea of what it was. I tried it but don't have the solid food thing down yet. I just pretty much lick it and throw up a disgusted face. Not my style yet. I did chug my fair share of tea tho. I let it cool, then tried it. Not too bad. Grandma kept putting the cup in my grill, so I kept on downing it. Mostly downed it on my shirt tho. I don't mind because parents do my laundry every week. I'm ready to go again, sure beats this Rice Cereal they are trying to shove down my throat lately.

4 Months Old and Doctor Visit

2009-10-10T10:21:00.000-07:00

First off, let me start by saying I'm 4 months old! It was orange day at school today and this is the only orange thing I had to wear. I wore it to the Doctor's Office as well. I wanted to dress up like a Tiger and scare the nurse because last time she poked me with all these needles. I figured she wouldn't do that to a Tiger. I even gave her the evil eyebrows. Nope, mom and dad stripped me of the Tiger suit as soon as I get in the office. Argh!
So, besides poking me and all, they weighted me again. I was born 6 3/4 pounds. At 2 months I doubled to 13 pounds. Now gained almost 4 pounds since then. I'm trying to workout a bit more. I'm doing bicep curls. I just get distracted when I curl up I see my thumb and can't pass it up. I used to eat my fingers, then knuckles, even my whole hand, but now I go straight for the thumb. Perfect fit for my mouth. Yum! I don't know why the parents keep pulling it out of my mouth, I just stick it right back in. They can be so annoying and persistent! TTYL

I Heart Screens

2009-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

What have I just discovered? These bright squares of goodness. I love screens! TV screens, computer screens, shoot, even cell phone screens. So bright and shiny, I can see why my parents just sit and get mesmerized for hours. I do too! It all started with when my parents just plop my chubby butt on the couch in the mornings, while they run around doing stuff to get ready for work. They throw on the TV and 'Go Diego Go' comes on. I may have been crying a minute ago, but no longer. I don't know what it is, but these colors and sounds are awesome. I used to just stare at black and white high contrast designs, but forget that. I got a 46" Sony 120MHz 1080 HD flatscreen now baby!

The computer is cool too. As you see above, my dad got me addicted to Mafia Wars and have to play that daily. We usually have that on while in front of the TV. 2 screens? Forget about it, I'm sold. When the lights are off and the screens shine bright, it's like a mini aurora borealis in the living room. I see these and forget why I'm crying and forget that it's time for my bottle. It's so awesome, I don't even mind sitting in my own poop for a while longer just to get all this visual input. I think it's time for the parents to throw up a screen in the car now, like some of the other kids have in their parents car. 'Go Diego Go' to go would be sweet. Oohhh, just got an alert my next energy pack is ready for Mafia Wars. See ya. I'll be stuck on this computer till the TV gets turned back on.

UCLA Football

2009-09-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Went to my 1st UCLA Football game today. Lotsa fun! Got to the Rose Bowl about 3 hours early to tailgate and chugged a 5 ouncer. Parents were out BBQ'ing burgers n corn and drinking some brown stuff that made them burp like I do. I like tailgating. All these people walking by me saying how cute I am and smiling at me. These Bruins have good taste and appreciate good lookin chaps like myself. I was just chilling on a blanket under my canopy listening to music. I think I drank too much as I had to pee pretty bad and passed out for about an hour.
It was time for the game and we headed in. Wow, that's a lot of people. About 70,000 in there! I never been to a place so loud. I felt my eyes pop out every few minutes. I don't mind noise, it's just when it's all of a sudden, and over and over. All these people came up to me and wanted to fist bump me. I guess they knew about me last year when I was chillin in my mom's belly. I thought that fight song was familiar, knew I heard it before. The game was good. UCLA whooped the diapers off KSU. I did my first 8 clap, with a little assistance (I still don't have that good fine motor control). The first drink from tailgating was wearing off, but luckily I snuck another bottle in and chugged it before security showed up. Game ended well with a final touchdown due to my good luck presence. I think I gotta come back here, I'm just gonna need a new Bruin onesie. My big milk belly is busting this one by the seams.

Evicted! Again!

2009-09-19T12:57:00.000-07:00

These parents of mine. The keep me moving and change up things all the time. I was sittin cool for 9 months in my mom's belly, then she evicted me. I was all nice and warm, kinda like a nice hot bath, then next thing I know. I'm freezing, there is light all around me, things were loud, and I had to work my mouth to eat. You know what? I heard about this and could get past all that, I forgave and forgot. But now, argh, they did it again! These last 3+ months, yes, my WHOLE life! I was sleeping and chilling near my parents all the time. They got their big bed and I got my sweet crib right next to it. Their room is huge, probably can fit 10 more of my cribs in it, no problem. No! These parents are selfish and want the WHOLE room to themselves! Yea! I know! They booted me all the way across the hall to a small room, maybe 1/2 the size of theirs. What gives? They are almost out of earshot, almost. I can raise the volume when I need to. Yea, they evicted me again. They tell me it's cuz I'm gonna get too used to being in their room and attached and I'll never leave. They think I'm starting to recognize things better, which may be true, but dude, I thought I was the top priority. Anyway, now I'm all the way across the hall. The dog even thinks it's wack, he doesn't wanna come visit and lick my feet no more.
They can still hear me though, they got some magic device that throws my voice to whereever they are. If I bellow, they still hear me. This room is cool though. Has my name above the window, a big UCLA Fathead. A closet full of dope onesies and a bunch of toys. It's cool and all, it won't make MTV cribs, but good enough. I guess I can get used to it, but I don't need these toys, I got my fingers to suck on and stare at. I hope they won't kick me out even farther, although when I'm crying in the middle of the night, I hear mumbling that it is only 18 more years away. What happens at 18? Don't matter thats like 72X my life away. Guess I'll get used to this, anyone got a flatscreen for me to help pimp my crib with?

LA Fair

2009-09-06T13:34:00.001-07:00

Me and Brandon went to the L.A. Fair yesterday. Not really my style and I slept through most of it. We got there and went through all the shops. Really not much I got into. All the stuff there is for dressing me up. I know I'm a baller, but not every T-shirt for boys needs to say All-Star on it, although I am. Also, I'm not Mommy or Daddy's little prince or whatever. Those fools work for me. I should be giving them a shirt that says Son's big servant. I did see some cool little fold up camping chairs. A blue on for me and a green for B, but they wanted to wrap them up in pink carry bags. Really. How you gonna do that to a kid? Real baby boys don't do pink. So left chair there and rolled on.

The parents ate a lot, from Turkey Legs, to sausages, burgers, popcorn, fried oreo's, etc. I went over to the booths with all the fried food cuz it smelled good, but they had no Fried Enfamil for me, weak. I started crying so parents got beer and Margarita's to deal with it. I think they are on to me having them wrapped around my finger, I gotta think of new stuff. Maybe cry till i cough and puke or another poop storm here and there.

Parents tried to win us stuffed animal dogs with this game you throw ping pong balls into little dishes floating on water. Dang they sucked. We didn't get the dogs we wanted, but some small ugly toys we'd never touch. I'd show them how to do it, but it is hard for me to release things. I can grab with the best of them, but as much as I swing my arms, I can't seem to ease up this super grip I have. My Enfamil must have some HGH. Also, I didn't want a stuffed animal dog anyway, I just like to stare at my hands and stick them in my mouth. I'm cool enough to just enjoy my own company. My hands do taste good tho, a little salty, must be all that back sweat I get. Slurp!

1st Day of School/Day Care

2009-08-29T09:53:00.000-07:00

So, parents are being selfish and dropping me off with some strangers while they got to work a few days a week. So, Monday thru Wednesday. I hang out with 8 other babies and a few adults. Mom was crying when she left me so I got a lil nervous about this place. Not too bad though. They got some cool rocking chairs, mats with things to look at, and they always feed me when I want. Them other babies are odd tho. There are a few cool ones, but there is this one that's always crying. He needs some prozac in the milk. There are some cute honeys there too though. She a bit taller and older than me, I think she's triple my age. I'm the youngest one there by far, and think I'ma stay here for a while. I get a lil bored so sleep most the day, but it's cool to see other people my same size. Yes, they are all older, be we are about the same size. Thurs & Fri I chill with the Gramps and get the attention all day. I like that better. Oh. Cartoons is on, gotta run!

Los Doyers

2009-08-29T09:46:00.001-07:00

Went to my first Dodgers game and didn't get shanked! I heard bad things about the crowd, but I think they all got scared of me sportin this beanie. Parents drove me, but brought along the gramps. I got them Gramps wrapped around my finger. They just hold me and sing random things to me. I might be learning Chinese soon because of them. That and with Ni Hao Kai-Lan. Los Doyers kicked St. Louis's booty all over the place. I like it there. So much to hear and smell. Momma get garlic fries and made me wish I had teeth. We left after I stretched in the 7th cuz they say the drive back gets bad. I don't know why, just go to sleep like me and you are there.

San Diego

2009-08-29T09:40:00.000-07:00

Went on my first trip to SD. Lots of things to look at around here. I got pushed all day in Seaport Village, Gaslamp District, Carlsbad Outlets, and at the Welk in Escondido. I hung out with them parents, my homey Brandon, and their parents. Pop bought me a wooden personalized golf club, but I have no grip yet, so it just sits there. Most of the time in the resort, these parents just propped me up on the couch so I could watch Sportscenter and I Love You Man. I'm starting to enjoy this TV more and more. I don't know what's going on, but I can stare at them cool colors. That is if the ceiling fan isn't running, or else I'm staring at that all day.

Big Smiles

2009-08-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am getting some control over my emotions now. Well, more control. I am pretty good at telling people that I don't have everything I want at the current moment with big cry, but now I think they can tell when I am happy. I like to smile and shake a lot, especially when I see my UCLA mobile playing. My friends Uncle Kenny & Auntie Vanessa came to take pics of me at home and I was happy to see them and smiled all a round. Take a look at my cute self at kennyphanphotography.com

This weekend the parents wanna take me and my lil buddy Brandon to San Diego. Brandon is my BFF and is 5 days older than me. We met in Lamaze class, but we were still in our mom's bellies. We both escaped and been hanging out since. I don't know what both of our parents are thinking when they take us out. They take me here and there, but if they really wanted to take me somewhere cool, I'd say take me to Lowe's or Home Depot, even Lamps Plus. When I am out, I like to stare at the ceilings at the lights and fans. Those places are full of them, I'd smile for hours. Good thing I don't flail my arms when I do it, or daddy might think I'm autistic, but he keeps on checking my eye contact and stuff. Crazy psychologist.

San Diego should be cool though. If nothing else, it isn't as hot as here in LA, and I won't have as much sweat in my neck rolls for a couple days. Plus, I can hang out with Brandon. It's fun when we both cry at the same time, it's like surround sound in a horror movie.

Oh, one thing. I saw an episode of Mythbusters and wanted to try my own thing. I heard that all fat kids like cake. I'm fat, and I like cake. I sucked a bit of frosting off my dad's finger when he was eating some at Brandon's baptism, Yum! Wish I could get some more!

What's up, I'm Ryan

2009-08-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Hey, I'm Ryan. I was born 2 months ago and my life is awesome. So I figured I'd blog about it and give props to the other 2 month olds here. Class of 2027 in the house!

I became a sparkle in the eye of my Dad at a UCLA football game when he saw little kids dressed up in gear. Girls rocking the kiddie cheerleader outfits and the boys with the kiddie jerseys. That's when he wanted to make me. Might have been all the tailgating as well. Mom and dad played with some birds or bees or something that night and I was made.

I started kinda ugly. Looked like a lil circle at first smaller than the tip of a pin too, then started to look like a slug, weeks passed by and i kinda got alien and gremlin looking, then eventually I grew to the good looking dude that I am and felt like I had enough and wanted out. It was a long 10 months in there. Every week that passed it seemed like my square footage would decrease. I'd try to kick the walls down, but nothing really changed. Eventually I felt it was time to ditch the place. Mom started walking alot and I couldn't take it, so one day while she was walking to the donut store, I broke the wall down and the slip n slide was ready. Of course, knowing that mom lady, she kept on walking to the donut store first and got her snack.

Mom thought I was a pain in the abdomen, so she got some pain killer shot in her back. I didn't want that, so I acted up and they obliged and cut me an escape door to free myself through. Sucks for her, but I'm happy.

I kinda miss my old place though. I came out into this world and now everyone was touching me, putting things in my nose and mouth, washing me, poking me, and wrapping me in blankets. Weak! I also have to eat by sucking a bottle, where before I just ate without any work, food went straight into my belly.

I'm used to this place now though. These parents of mine sleep too long though, they like to sleep maybe 6-7 hours in a row if I'd let them, but I don't. I don't want them to get lazy. I'll give them 3 if they're lucky.

My parents might be anorexic I think. They only eat 3, maybe 4 times a day. I don't get it. I need to eat every 2 hours, sometimes less. I don't know how they get by on so little and not cry. I have to shout and cry at them so they don't let me starve. Same with my diaper. They never notice unless I cry and shout at them or try to pee or poo so hard that it's noticable. Yes, I've pooped though many outfits and blankets. It's fun.

The worst was a couple days ago. I went to the doctor. They poked me with a few needles, but I made sure there was no mercury in them. Nonetheless, they hurt. Oh well. They also said I was "healthy" which is doctor code for "fatty". I came out 6 lbs 12 oz, and now I'm over 13 lbs. yea, I doubled. I'm in the 75th percentile for "healthiness". Momma got some "healthy" milk in her.

Today not much is new. I went to a photo shoot today and this lady tried to make me smile. I don't smile for strangers. I pooped for her though, she better be content with that. Today was one of my best poo's. I did it so hard that it was literally in my belly button. I don't know they physics behind it, but I did it and am proud. I made momma wash me cuz of it. Straight from the changing table to the sink. Oh, I like being washed. Sometimes I cry for no reason, just to keep my parents on their toes, but I am a sucker for the shower. I can't cry in there, just feels way too good. Anyway, I think I wanna cry now. I just ate an hour and a half ago and still can wait another 30 minutes, but mom and dad are eating dinner, so about time for me to mess with them.

Talk to ya later. Thanks for stopping by. I'll let you know what goes on here and there. Keep checkin back. Laterz.